Memoirs of a Grieving Mother

It is that time of year when everyone starts to check out. Teachers, kids, parents, colleagues, everyone. You would think that I would be excited …

It has been exactly six months since I have been able to breathe without having to actively tell myself to do so. Six months of …

The last two weeks literally took my breath away. When you are missing your child immensely already, having the holidays invade your grief makes everything …

I’m trying very hard to be thankful this week. I have amazing family, friends, and colleagues that have worked hard to keep me upright this …

This weekend we escaped our normal routine and spent the weekend alone in Baltimore. Our first weekend away in six months. It was nice to …

I seem to be struggling with the concept of time lately, and although in the past I have always appreciated the extra hour daylight savings …

This week has been an emotional rollercoaster…. More so than usual. My team at work pulled off unimaginable feats and our event was a huge …

Staying in a hotel for a night to cut myself a break on the killer commute for work tonight sounded like such a good idea …

Today I woke up an absolute mess. Cried for hours in bed, lots more of them then I care to admit. A lot. Then, like …

About a year ago I came home from a long weekend at work and Troy and Jaidon had built a beautiful fire pit. Our whole …

“With every adversity comes the seed of an equivalent benefit.” Nine years ago today, was the second worst day of my life. The world lost …

National son’s day is incredibly challenging for those of us who lost a son. If Jaidon were still here he would have been livid that …

I survived the high holidays and am no better as a result. Tomorrow my littlest will turn 14, and I have no idea how that …

You really have no idea how much you are able to endure until you are forced to do so. Today was another one for the …

As we approach Yom Kippur I have been dreading lighting my first yahrzeit candle for Jaidon. For the last nine years I have cried my …

Three fucking months, today. Each minute has been a blur blending into the next. The anticipation of the 9th of each month causes my anxiety …

I am ready to start a new year, one that will hopefully be a bit more peaceful. Really, I wish that for everyone. L’Shana Tovah …

I’m late to the back to school photo post, but, well, keeping on top life this week has been a struggle. Honestly, that may be …

This had been a very tough weekend. Another series of eye opening self discoveries met with aching realities. This weekend I learned that I cannot …

I love my family, with all my heart. Even when they aren’t easy to love. Over the years we have had our fair share of …

This weekend was a whirlwind of activity. But honestly most weekends it is a fine line between keeping busy enough to function and having some …

Of course it poured like mad on my way home from work today, because that was the kind of day it was. Thank goodness for …

Party of five. Ugh. Just saying that aloud brings me to my knees with despair and devastation. We just got back from our first family …

Whew. This weekend was a fuckload of intense reality. We ended up cramming in the truck, the five of us and one of Jaidon’s best …

Tonight Troy and I had date night out front in our yard. We have a small two topper under a lovely tree which provides nice …

Ok so I finally did it! Let me be completely honest… I hate baking with a passion. I mean HATE it. Way too precise and …

Today was a shit day. Why? Because the wind blew in that general direction. There really doesn’t have to be a reason. Everything and anything …

Where did the time go? Somehow June 9th feels like ten seconds ago, I remember every single detail of that night like it just happened. …

Jaidon was kind enough to leave us his sourdough starter. So, despite my lack of love for baking, we got the recipes he used from …

This is the last photo Jaidon ever took on his phone. I suspect he was fascinated by the Tesla’s license plate being all ones. You …

I woke up this morning with the sudden realization that three weeks has passed since we lost Jaidon. How is that possible? Time has stood …

For more than two years Jaidon volunteered as an apprentice at the Kid Museum. So much so that he earned an award for exceeding 270 …

This morning for whatever reason, my shitty, post-covid, foggy brain had a moment of clarity and actually remembered that Jaidon had given me the password …

Two weeks ago tonight my absolute worst fears as a parent came to a horrific reality. I spent the night, stomach in knots, chasing Jaidon’s …

Today I bit the bullet and went back to work. It wasn’t as horrifying as I had thought it was. I found peace in cranking …

Since losing my dad nine years ago I have struggled with Father’s Day. It has always been a struggle for me as a daughter who …

Like any parent who has gone through their teenager’s belongings, we were nervous to see what we would find in his bag from the trip. …

Ordinarily today would be a great day, it is Troy’s birthday, but for the past few days he has been dreading it. My wish for …

Today we went to the school to meet with Jaidon’s principal. Everyone we met gave us huge hugs and was so supportive. We delivered cookies …

There really are no words but there is overwhelming amounts of love and support…and food. We are forever grateful for the outpouring of love and …

Well that fucking sucked. Tribute to Jaidon: https://www.wusa9.com/mobile/article/news/local/maryland/high-school-seniors-killed-car-crash-west-virginia-walter-johnson-high-school/65-8ad9f76c-9163-43af-ad15- Link to donate to the Jaidon Smith scholarship fund: Jaidon Smith Scholarship Fund

It is with extreme heartache and sadness that we have to tell you that tonight we lost our baby boy. He and his friends were …