Today was a shit day. Why? Because the wind blew in that general direction. There really doesn’t have to be a reason. Everything and anything is a trigger for a parent who is mourning the loss of their child.
Today I thought about Jaidon a lot. I walked three times, about 4.5 miles thinking that maybe that would help. It didn’t.
It is next to impossible to find any level of peace. Every vision is a memory. Every thought eventually works it’s way back to a memory of him. Every moment of downtime lands in tears.
Many tell me they don’t know how I get up every morning and exist. Neither do I. Those of you who are parents know how this works. You get up every day and put one foot in front of the other because you have to. You don’t have a choice. You have to make a living. You have a family and other kids who need you. You just do it. There are no options but to keep moving.
When you stop, it is too easy to fall apart. And I don’t have that luxury.