Yesterday, I read a statement from a friend who violently and tragically lost everyone but his mother 26 years ago. Scott Goff wrote he was saddened that his family missed out on their lifetimes. This really hit me hard. I really think this wheee I am right now. Jaidon and Camille will miss out on their lifetimes.
This statement also makes me reflect. I need to celebrate the 18 years that I had with him. I need to celebrate the obstacles he overcame. Knowing he made such wonderful friends, that he was a wonderful friend.
I know that I am going to have moments of pure sadness and incredible pain. That is love. It is during those times that we remember just how wonderful he was.
I also know that I will have times of happiness, my job is to not feel guilty about being happy. I need to make sure that I celebrate those moments as well.
No one can tell me how to grieve. I can’t tell anyone how to grieve. It takes time. At least, I think it does. That is really all we have. That and therapy and meds.
I am really trying to make sure I get those happy memories of him in. I need to go to WV soon to visit the spot where they passed. It is important to me.
So, on this Wednesday, 6 weeks into my new life, I celebrate Jaidon. I remember Jaidon. I think of his laugh, his smile, and quirks. I think of how much love I have for him and will always have for him.