Yesterday was four weeks. Tomorrow is thirty days. I am not sure how this has gone by so fast and also been the slowest time ever. Time stopped for us…continued for everyone else.
There have been so many cards, letters, phone calls. Who knew that there were so many different sympathy cards? I am sure we will find a way to do something with them, for now they are in a basket under the TV, sitting patiently, waiting to be dealt with. It’s like they are waiting at the principals office, but they aren’t in trouble.
Some recent days have been hard. I think I am still waiting for him to come through the door. It feels like they are still on the trip. I know that isn’t the case and I am sure that will change over time. I can honestly say now, I understand how parents turn to drugs, alcohol, or even harm themselves after something like this. I am really grateful for my therapist. We all see someone. We have to. Mental health is just as, if not more sometimes, important as physical health. Our mental health has taken a serious ass whoopin’ with this. We definitely have a village around us. Not enough thanks to go around.
Yesterday was nice. Derrick and Anders came over to help build the Lego Technic McLaren Senna GTR that Jaidon took with him because it was going to be raining. We bought them pizza. They shared some things and we realized that they were having an absolute blast right up to tragedy. There is a comfort knowing that.
So, we have good days (finally), and lots of bad. I also have 3 amazing daughters, who are grieving too. Time won’t heal. Time will ease the pain, I hope. So, to my amazing boy Jaidon, I love you. I carry you in my heart. I close my eyes and I see you. When the wind blows down, I feel you. But mostly, I love you. A love that was made stronger because of Covid. Spending time in the house was the greatest gift I have ever gotten, I just didn’t know it.
I love you,
Daddy