Today has been hard. Jess went back to work. Kyra went to work. Mattea went to camp. Laylie was a teen, slept in late and stayed in her room. I got to spend the day with my thoughts. It was excruciating. It was painful. I could barely get out of bed.
I haven’t been able to take phone calls. I haven’t been able to do anything except cry. When I think about anything, I cry. A neighbor said hi. He hadn’t heard the news. He was on vacation. I held it together, then came in and broke down.
I thought I had some time to be ok. I took Mattea to the orthodontist. They broke down. We cried. They knew Jaidon. He was the first of the kids to get braces. I wanted to laugh thinking about how many brackets he broke. I couldn’t. I cried.
I want to curl up in a ball. I want to rewind time and not let the kids go. But, I can’t. Instead, I cry. Today, pain and heartache won. I hope tomorrow that I will cry, but be strong enough to face pain and heartache with the memory of love and joy of my dear boy.
So tonight…daddy cries.