I’m trying very hard to be thankful this week. I have amazing family, friends, and colleagues that have worked hard to keep me upright this year. I have three beautiful girls that I adore, even when they drive me nuts. I have a loving husband who, despite his own grief, has held my heart in his hands every time I fall apart.
But this week I am struggling to focus on the things I should, like thankfulness.
I’m trying to be strong for everyone, but this week it just isn’t happening, no matter how hard I try.
Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. I used to take the whole week off and come home, stay with my parents, relax, get much needed downtime and rejuvenate.
This year the holidays bring on a whole new level of despair, like I have never felt. This week is not just Thanksgiving, but also what would have been my Dad’s 73rd birthday and the start of Hannukah.
Triple gut punch.
As if these last 5 and a half months haven’t been hard enough, the holidays just add an extra level of emotion that I thought I could be strong through but am quickly learning that I cannot.
It is Wednesday and with a heavy and broken heart I guess I should be thankful for making it halfway through the week, even if I spent the last two days quietly sobbing at my desk, crying in the car and crying myself to sleep.
Today I will bake Jaidon’s sourdough rolls and my dad’s favorite birthday cake. I will hug my family a little tighter and let the tears continue flowing as they need to. I will cave from my control-freak nature and let those closest to me help me get through this, because I know I need more than I can do for myself.
I will even try to smile and find the small pockets of peace where I can.
Wishing all of you a lovely thanksgiving, filled with love laughter and food, and hoping you can savor the time with your precious loved ones and remember those who couldn’t be here with us.