I woke up this morning with the sudden realization that three weeks has passed since we lost Jaidon. How is that possible? Time has stood completely still for me so it feels odd that life seems to be moving forward despite that.
I woke up, like I have every morning since that dreadful day, feeling ok for the split second before my new reality set in.
This new reality feels a lot like a rollercoaster of emotions that range from ok to angry as fuck to cannot breathe sadness. And as an added bonus they come on like a tsunami you had your back to.
Every day I get up and go through the motions knowing that any second I could spontaneously burst into tears and it doesn’t take but a fleeting memory or a what if thought you bring it on. Sometimes it just happens, and when it does it is this overwhelming suffocation where breathing feels impossible and the hole in your heart takes up more of your body than it doesn’t.
Thank goodness for my family and friends and colleagues and waterproof eye makeup.
I would give anything for one more minute with him.