November 16, 2021
November 16, 2021

November 16, 2021

This weekend we escaped our normal routine and spent the weekend alone in Baltimore. Our first weekend away in six months.

It was nice to go away and escape reality but I was sure to pack us solid with activities, I cannot handle down time yet. We had dinner and brunch with dear friends, we went to a wedding. We went shopping.

We had heartfelt conversations. We cried. We laughed. We danced—I forgot how much I love when Troy pushes me around the dance floor. He’s a phenomenal dancer.

We found pockets of happiness which were immediately followed by waves of sadness. Such is our new lives.

Who wanted this new life? I was perfectly content with my old life. From what I hear that life is gone and it is time to move on. So move, I am trying but it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

This week I finished my least favorite design project ever—designing Jaidon’s headstone. Looking at it objectively it was what we wanted for him. Looking at it from an emotional perspective it was gut wrenching and soul sucking to create, and I get to spend the rest of my life visiting it instead of my kid.

This is a hole that just cannot be filled and I never knew I could miss someone so much.

Lately have been trying to fill my time with one-on-one time with the girls and walking the dog, who seems to love that I can’t sit idle. Glad someone does. Just waiting patient for life to get even a smidge easier.